I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
