Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
