he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
