guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is Oprah even human
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
