All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
