I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
