shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
