8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
