If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
