Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
