If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
