I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
