i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize