when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
