I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
