it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
