so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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