Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
