he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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