I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
