hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
