You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I checked into jail on foursquare
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize