Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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