dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we made out on top of his cat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh god it's open bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
