I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
