Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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