Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
