I hope mine doesn't look like that
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize