Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
