He kissed a someone with a penis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
