I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
