census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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