dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
