cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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