It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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