Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize