Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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