either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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