are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
