I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
