I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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