found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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