Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
