i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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