Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
