Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize