Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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