Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
