It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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