somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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