Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
