he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
