forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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