yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
