Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to fling myself into the sun
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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