i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize