I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
