Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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