OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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