let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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