my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
