omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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