Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
