I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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