so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
