Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
