3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
