it hurts more in the daytime
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
