That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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