If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
