Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
