Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
