i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
