so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
