Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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