Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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