Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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