somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
