You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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