There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
