hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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