Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
