i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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