you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
