good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
