it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
