he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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