he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
