I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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