Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
