How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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