so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
